Be humble and kind

Recently, I experienced a lengthy airport delay; it would be at least an 8-hour wait for my flight home to Boise, Idaho. So, I decided to grab some lunch in an airport restaurant and finish a bit of work. I was seated near the receptionist who was engaged in conversation with my waiter. I tried not to eavesdrop, but couldn’t help overhearing their exchange.

The waiter was lamenting the lack of gratuity he received from a party of eight patrons who had required a good deal of his time and attention. He had worked very hard to make their experience a positive one, given the busyness of the airport and their rush to catch a flight, but the gratuity they gave him was only about 5 percent of the bill. Then he added, “And to top it all off, my relief is late again. He is consistently 40 minutes late for his shift. It typically wouldn’t bother me, but I have another job to get to, and when he’s late I begin to get very nervous. I need both jobs to take care of my family.”

When the receptionist suggested that the waiter share his concerns with the manager, he responded: “No way, I can’t lose this job! I just need to deal with it.” At that point, the receptionist observed: “You know what, I’ve worked here a long time and I have a very good relationship with the manager. How about I mention it to him? I won’t let him know that the matter came from you.” Showing obvious relief, the waiter responded, “How very kind of you. That would be great. Thank you.” Given his unhappy experience with the previous guests, I made sure to leave a sizable tip.

A simple act of kindness
That simple act of kindness from the receptionist touched me. I hope that reaching out and offering a thoughtful gesture or act of kindness will never go out of style. Yet, so often, we fail to pause and acknowledge others amidst the hectic, fast-paced flurry of our lives.

Listen to this YouTube video of Tim McGraw singing “Humble and kind.” and really pay attention to the lyrics and images. He reminds us, “Hold the door, say please, say thank you. Don’t steal, don’t cheat, and don’t lie. … When you get where you’re goin’, don’t forget, turn back around, help the next one in line. Always stay humble and kind.” Tim’s goal is to spread the message of kindness and inspire others to do the same.

The Clarks on graduation day.

Make it a habit and a lifestyle
Last month, our youngest daughter graduated from the University of Idaho with her undergraduate degree. Brigadier General Erik C. Peterson, a highly decorated and distinguished commander of the U.S. Army Special Operations Aviation Command, delivered the commencement address. His military awards and decorations are many and impressive, and he, too, is a graduate of the University of Idaho. As a parent of one of the graduates, I found Gen. Peterson’s speech compelling, passionate, powerful, and deeply relevant to the ideals of service, advocacy, and civility. He challenged us to share our skills, talents, energy, and gifts to benefit others and contribute to the common good. He suggested we make service a habit and a lifestyle, not just a single act, and he strongly encouraged us to “endeavor to be kind.”

Quoting Albert Schweitzer, he stated, “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” He further noted that, along his 30-year military journey, he has witnessed firsthand the very best and the very worst of humanity. He observed: “Nothing has had a more profound, sustained, positive impact on me than the occasional, conspicuous act of kindness of my fellow man, and the simple pleasure and reward of being able to extend the same. Kindness and civility with its inherent power are all too often overlooked. … Simple acts of kindness not only serve to counter the burdens and travails of the recipient, but are also known to improve the well-being of the giver. The impact of a [genuine act of kindness] can be profound, lasting, and positively viral.”

Pups in a truck. Four of our eight rescue pets.

This powerful, passionate, and brilliant speech touched me deeply. It was a rally cry to continue the path I am on—to be an avid advocate for civility, respect, and yes, kindness. And not only that, but to raise awareness and challenge myself and others to become “Civility Champions” dedicated to improving the lives of individuals, teams, organizations, and yes, maybe even society.

dtimiraos/iStock

Kindness is a choice
Mary Wortley Montagu reminds us, “Civility costs nothing, and buys everything.” Think about ways you touch the lives of others. Perhaps you have rescued a pet, or, as in our family’s case, multiple pets. Maybe you hold the elevator for someone dashing to catch it, or pack an extra lunch for your child to share with a less fortunate friend or classmate. Maybe when others are gossiping about someone else, you are the first to jump in and speak well of that individual. Perhaps you’ve sent a letter to a relative or former teacher letting them know the positive impact they’ve had on your life.

Compliment others. Smile and greet them. At the bank or grocery store, offer your place in line to someone with fewer items or who seems to be in a hurry—or do it just because. If you see litter, pick it up and throw it away. Bring your partner coffee in bed. Include others in conversation, especially those who tend to be shy or quiet. At the Starbucks drive-thru, pay for the order of the person behind you.

These are just a few ideas. I’m sure many of you have countless ways to say thank you or extend a kind gesture to another. As Gen. Peterson and Tim McGraw remind us, endeavor to be humble and kind. It really can make a difference in the lives of others. Maybe even our own.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International. Comments are moderated. Those that promote products or services will not be posted.

Planting seeds of kindness

It’s a stunningly gorgeous morning in the high desert of Boise, Idaho, USA. I just returned from an early morning hike with three of our energetic and high-spirited rescue dogs. They run with abandon and enthusiasm to greet the morning, leaping with the utter joy of being alive! I share their exuberance as I listen to the meadowlarks fill the morning air with their catchy and melodious song.

When we arrive at the top of the knoll where we turn to go home, we pause for many moments to take in the panoramic view of mountain ranges that encircle our home. None of the mountains bears even a remnant of the snows that fell and blanketed them earlier this spring. Instead, they stand bare and tall against the blue sky, beckoning elk and other wild critters that inhabit the region, as well as hikers.

The view from our front yard.

When we return from our hike, I attend to the usual morning chores before starting a day of writing, tending the garden, looking after pets, and watering flowers. There’s a particular little flower patch that I planted shortly after last month’s commencement. I dug the patch myself. I could’ve asked my husband to assist me, but digging the small plot was a chore I relished and wanted to do. So one day, I tilled the soil, enriched it with nutrients, and lovingly planted seeds given to me by one of my nursing students. The package of seeds was tucked inside a lovely card in which she thanked me for inspiring her. It included this entry: “Dear Dr. Clark, plant these seeds and watch them bloom, as so many students have bloomed under your guidance.”

I was deeply touched by the sentiment. Today, as seedlings poke through the earth and reach for the sky, I am humbled by the influence we have on the lives of our students. As faculty members, we are and always will be one of their most formidable and influential role models. Therefore, we must always be cognizant of the way we speak and act. The importance of modeling the way cannot be overestimated. Students are watching our every move. It’s a daunting thought, as well as a wonderful opportunity.

"Dear Dr. Clark, plant these seeds and watch them bloom ..." 

— SachmaDeluxe/iStock/Thinkstock

As nurse educators around the globe, we have an important responsibility to prepare and mobilize our nations’ nursing workforces. This is no easy task, and we must not take our students’ professional role development lightly. One of the most important nursing roles is that of a “civilist."

What is a civilist, you may ask? Contending that being civil takes self-discipline, practice, and commitment, Kenneth Maxey (2011) coined the term civilist (p. 10) to describe the attributes and habits of a civil person. I couldn’t agree more! It is incumbent upon nurse educators and academic nurse leaders to intentionally grow the next generation of civilists—nurses well-prepared to create positive change and promote a safe, healthy workplace.

While it is important to establish civility as an organizing value in any organization, it is equally important for each individual to self-reflect and take an accurate inventory of one’s own behavior. Each of us needs to evaluate our interactions and display behaviors that support the dignity of others. It is tempting to return incivility for incivility, to respond in a ‘tit for tat’ manner. Instead, we must be prepared and practiced in the art of addressing uncivil behavior. For example, a demeaning comment or sarcastic remark could be responded to in this way: “I learn best from individuals who address me with respect and value me as a member of the team. Is there a way we can structure this type of interaction?”

I realize that creating a totally civil society is a utopian ideal. Yet, devoting time and attention to being a civilist can make a significant difference. Crafting a personal civility credo, along with developing—and living out—a list of life principles and daily habits, is a good starting point. For instance, my personal civility credo is “to lead the coalition for change by raising awareness, amplifying the civility conversation, and inspiring civil action.” Some of my life principles include living with purpose and meaning, leading an examined life, assuming goodwill, and nurturing my body, mind, and spirit. These life principles are made operational by practicing daily habits, such as smiling and greeting others by name, expressing and living in gratitude, and striving to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

I encourage you to take the time to consider principles and daily habits that shape your life. Writing a personal life statement provides clarity and insight, and helps strengthen your commitment. Putting pen to paper or keyboarding your ideas into a thoughtfully composed statement helps solidify your plan. Share the plan with a family member, friend, or trusted colleague, if you wish. When we share ourselves with others, it strengthens our commitment and resolve.

So, go forth, plant seeds of civility and kindness, and watch them bloom!

Reference:

Maxey, K. (2011). Civil business: Civil practice in Corporations and society. Denver, CO: Colorado Writing Services.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International. Comments are moderated. Those that promote products or services will not be posted.